Now we are getting closer to our true self, that inner core of our being that drives our behaviour. A helpful diagram is the Johari Window created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram in 1955.

There are four cells in this table.

In the Known to Self - Known to Others cell: This is our behaviour that we know about and so does everyone else. If we are loud and boisterous at a party, we all are aware of that behaviour. If we find someone at a party that we find interesting and go off into a corner and talk with him or her, this is also something that people can notice.

In the Unknown to Self - Known to Others cell. This is our behaviour that we are not conscious of but everyone else is. Someone might tell you, "I don't know how to say this, but you were really rude to that lady when she asked for directions." Your response may be, "I wasn't being rude, I just told her that quickest way to get to the highway." When you ask other friends if they thought you were rude, they all agree. This is useful information. You didn't intend to be rude but your tone of voice and manner can across as rude. Now you can made appropriate changes in your manner. But there is another aspect to this cell. Someone may say to you, "You are a natural born leader." You may respond with, "Who? Me?" What you thought as just something you did and that everyone could do the same if they wanted to, others have picked up your skill as a talent. So when people give you feedback, check it out. Sometimes it contains very valuable information.

In the Known to Self - Unknown to Others cell. There are things we know about ourselves that most people don't know. They are our private thoughts and behaviours. Maybe when you listen to music in your room you like to dance around in your underwear. You might feel embarrassed if your friends saw you doing this, but you like the freedom to express yourself when no one is watching. There are going to be times when you see how some people treat others as very cruel but you don't say anything because you don't feel it would do any good. These are all private thoughts and feelings that you may share if you choose, but only you know what is inside of you.

In the Unknown to Self - Unknown to Others cell. Now we are getting to the core of ourselves. Usually, we don't get to this level unless we take a lot of time to explore our inner selves. It may take a therapist to help us explore this region of ourselves. Belonging to a consciousness raising group may help us probe into some of this material. Deeply sharing with a close friend may bring up some of these unexpressed thoughts. When we do discover these hidden things we can share them with others only if we so choose.