Appreciating Differences - Jack Falt - Ottawa area, Ontario, Canada

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Appreciating Differences

Loud and Boisterous or Quiet and Reserved

This column, written by Jack Falt on personality types is a regular feature of Energy Medicine. It was first published June 2001, Volume 3, Issue 5. See the previous articles on this site that describe the meaning of the four dimensions of behaviour that personality types measures.

Life would be a lot simpler for parents if children came with an instruction manual that gave all the necessary care instructions. For those interested in personality type, knowing a child’s type would help.  Theoretically, your child’s type is already established, but it may take quite a while to determine what it is. Knowing about type in general, however, may help you with the day to day tasks of parenting.

Of the four pairs of preferences, Extraversion and Introversion are likely the easiest to determine. When one child is loud and boisterous and the other is quiet and reserved, it is relatively easy to pick out the Extravert from the Introvert. These are the extremes of behaviour so it is helpful to understand a little more about the differences in these preferences as they appear in children.

From an early age Extraverted children will respond to people and get excited about new things to do. In school they are often the ones to put their hands up to answer questions. Sometimes they put their hands up before they know the answer, relying on their ability to figure it out as they begin to speak. Often Extraverts talk out loud as they process a new thought. They may say some rather outrageous things because they haven’t thought things through before they said it,

Introverted children tend to want to think things over before they talk. In the classroom they may not say all that much because the Extraverted children have already answered the questions. The teacher may suggest that everyone think about the answer for a minute and this allows the Introverted children to be more comfortable volunteering an answer.

When there is a new activity, the Extraverts are more willing to jump in and give it a try, while the Introverts may be more comfortable watching from the sidelines until they see what the new activity involves. At a wedding reception, six-year-old Jenny got right up and danced when the band started playing. Her cousin Billy, who is the same age, stayed by his mother watching the dancers for a long time. His mother had to coax him to dance with her. Once he got out on the dance floor, he enjoyed himself and was disappointed that his mother wouldn’t keep on dancing with him.

Ryan used to come home and tell his mother all the things that had happened at school. As he got a little older, he would burst through the door, drop his things and hurry out to play with his friends. Now he didn’t have time for his mother. He was still being an Extravert but he was focussing it on his friends. When his younger brother, Eric came along, his mother tried to get him to tell her about school, but he rarely said anything. He seemed to enjoy playing by himself in his room for a while when he came home. His mother had been used to Eric talking with her but now school seemed to be another world, and Eric found it difficult to explain to her all that was going on. Besides, although he couldn’t put it into words, there was so many things going on at school that it was comforting for him to go to his room among his familiar things until he felt more relaxed.

Sometimes shyness is confused with Introversion. It is possible to be a shy Extravert or a confident Introvert. Shyness is a feeling of uncomfortableness in certain situations. The shy Extravert wants to be with others but feels a lack of confidence to do so. The confident Introvert doesn’t feel this uncomfortableness, but also doesn’t feel the same need to have interaction with people all the time. This is why the shy Extravert who is always talking in class freezes up when she has to give a speech in front of the class.

When children are similar to their parents, there are not the problems that there are when the children are opposite in preference. The Introverted mother may have difficulty understanding her noisy son and want him to be quiet. The Extraverted father may find his quiet daughter a real puzzle. Understanding that there is this difference can make it easier to live together and enjoy one another.

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