Appreciating Differences - Jack Falt - Ottawa area, Ontario, Canada

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Emotional Intelligence

I have the great good fortune to have an ongoing group that meets twice-monthly for most of each year. Some of the members have been with me since the Appreciating Differences group started 8 ½ years ago. It has been a fantastic learning experience for me. Many personality type qualified people end up giving basic workshops and then specializing in a few areas such as teamwork or leadership and doing the same workshops over and over again. Having a group like this allows me to try out many different topics. For the last couple of years the group has been studying the Enneagram. Now we are going to study Emotional Intelligence in anticipation of Roger Pearlman’s presentation at this year’s November OAAPT Conference in Toronto.

I find an exciting way to learn a topic is to teach it. My group are all mature people who are not going to be permanently scarred if I get off track a bit. At the age of sixty-eight I am not doing many workshops now. It really is an expensive hobby for me. At least I am not going into the boardrooms of Bay Street and making a fool of myself.

Daniel Goleman was the first author to popularize the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). He sees EQ as a more significant factor in long-term success than IQ. Of course people need basic mental intelligence and the required technical ability to do their job, but it is the people who understand themselves and are able to get along with others that have the greatest success. (Yes, there are those who bully their way through life to get what they want, but they often trigger revolution rather than cooperation.) IQ predicts only 10 - 20% of career success. It has very little to do with the rest of your life. While your IQ seems to be set for life, Goleman maintains the EQ can be learned and developed. (However, according to Howard Gardner [http://www.trytel.com/~jfalt/Rev-per-type/nardi.html] two of the eight types of intelligences are: interpersonal intelligences and intrapersonal intelligences. Does this make them fixed for life or are they adaptable as Goleman suggests.)

Pearlman divides up the various EQ factors into these two categories: Extraverting functions relate to the interpersonal skills and introverting relate to the intrapersonal skills. (Go to - http://www.trytel.com/~jfalt/Rev-per-type/pearman-EI.html for a review of Pearlman’s book.)

When you look over the many books that are available on the topic of EQ, you find a wide variation in the number of factors that make up EQ. In a video presentation made for PBS, Goleman describes five key areas in EQ:
Intrapersonal skills:
1. Self-awareness: We each need to understand ourselves. We need to know how we tend to react and what causes these reactions.
2. Managing emotions: The next step involves what do we do with our emotions. Emotions are neither good or bad. They are the engine that drives our behaviours. We need to learn how to harness our emotions so that we can control our behaviour to achieve the best for ourselves and others.
3. Motivation: Are we an optimist or a pessimist? What is our self-talk? We can change our attitude by changing our self-talk. This is why EQ can be improved. These skills can be learned.
Interpersonal skills:
4. Empathy: We need to know what other people are feeling. As we are aware of what other people are feeling, this changes our response to them. E.g. Imagine you are in a crowded elevator and someone keeps poking you in the back. Probably your first response is a rising feeling of anger. You get off the elevator and look back at who has been poking you. You see a person with a white cane trying to get something out of her purse. Now what are you feeling?
5. Social skills: Each society has its own customs and ways of interacting with others. The fact that other people keep irritating us makes us aware of how much we rely on following social norms or have the skills to resolve conflict situations. Besides protecting ourselves from physical harm, our very health depends on these abilities. High stress levels can interfere with our immune systems. We need to know how to ‘chill out.’

Some of these five factors relate very directly to studying and applying Jung/Myers theories. The Enneagram is another very effective tool for understanding self and others. I’m looking forward to find out how EQ, personality type and Enneagram relate. I’ll keep you posted.

For a list of Emotional Intelligence books go to: http://www.trytel.com/~jfalt/topics.html#Emotional%20Intelligence

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