Appreciating Differences - Jack Falt - Ottawa area, Ontario, Canada

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Book Review by Jack Falt

Page, Gary Screaton, Being the Parent You Want to Be: 12 Communication Skills for Effective Parenting, Nevada city, CA: Performance learning Systems,  1999, ISBN 1-892334-07-0, 344 pp.

This is a step-by-step book for parents to follow to use with children from the age of comprehension to late adolescence. The concepts are not new. They are just put together in a different format. Most of us as parents use skills we learned from the way we were parented. Even when we swore we would never treat our children the way our parents treated us, we unconsciously revert to the only method we ever knew.

With twelve skills to learn, it is best to follow the suggested method of practising them one at a time before going on to additional skills. One unique feature is that this book allows for the parents’ own style rather then expecting them to follow a prescribed style. You can be authoritarian, authoritative (more democratic), or permissive and still find these skills useful. Probably most parents move from being in total control of their children’s lives when they are very young to expecting them to look after themselves when they are nearly ready to leave the nest.

This would also be a good textbook for a facilitator to use in a parenting class. There are exercises and lots of examples. But the method is only as good as people are willing to use it. My own experience in leading  Parent Effectiveness Training groups showed me that while the parents were taking the course, they were getting very good results. But living in the community I was able to see the long term effect of the course. Without the ongoing support most parents reverted to their old ineffective ways.

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List of Articles by Jack Falt