List of Articles & Reviews by Jack Falt
Book Review by Jack Falt
Something is wrong with this concept. Self-esteem is important and many children and adults do suffer from a lack of it. How can both be helped? How to foster it in children, and in adults as well, is what the author sets out to do.
Portraits of Self-Esteem looks at what self-esteem is, how each of the sixteen types experiences self-esteem, and finally what individuals can do to enhance their self-esteem.
Self-esteem is a combination of competence and self-love/self-worth. Competence comes from learning new skills and information. Just telling people how wonderful they are won’t help them feel a sense of self-worth if they knows they are incompetent. Most leaning comes about from trial and error. The teacher can help with the process of learning by breaking down the task into small enough portions so that the student does not get discouraged, but can see a gradual development of skills. Adults can also be taught to break down the tasks into more manageable portions.
Self-love/self-worth comes from how we see ourselves reflected in the eyes of others. Ideally, we are loved unconditionally by our parents, family and the community. There has to be a balance of conditional love as well. Children need to know that their parents love them but that their parents also expect their children to behave, to contribute in their own way to family life, and to develop into a self-sustaining adults.
The author acknowledges that not everyone has an ideal upbringing, but identifies what contributes to self-esteem and how the person develops it. A knowledge of one’s type is a very powerful tool for self-esteem. Just knowing that even though you seem quite different from most others, and that there is a group that is just like you, can be very empowering. You are not alone, no matter how dissimilar you may be to the mainstream of society. That information can help you accept who you are, and you can also use it to explain yourself to others.
The author has an interesting diagram, a series of concentric circles, showing how the various levels of society’s impact on the individual’s core self: family, classroom, media influences and cultural values.
The second part of this book is a series of sixteen short chapters that looks at the self-esteem of each of the sixteen types. Each of the chapters follows a pattern that describes: work that is satisfying; relationships to family, friends and co-workers; educational performance; the kinds of physical activities that are likely engaged in; emotional tone; and several comments by the type as to what are self-esteem enhancers and diminishers. If individuals have correctly identified their own type, they can see how others of their type experience self-esteem.
The final section includes some methods of helping individuals develop self-esteem. People are often put down by others so they take on this task themselves by a lot of negative self-talk. They need to learn to replace these negative comments by more positive ones. The inner bully that keeps saying, “you always screw up,” needs to be replaced by, “even though I am making some mistakes, I am getting better and better.” Individuals need to be encouraged to take risks so they can appreciate what they can do. Another way to feel more self-esteem is to give to others in such ways as volunteering time and talents. The feeling of contributing to the community helps people feel self-esteem. A focus on physical fitness, nutrition and overall health are a necessary part of self-esteem as well. Finally, some will benefit from counselling, bibliotherapy or being part of a personal growth group.
This is a book that could be used as the basis of a workshop or would be useful in a counselling session by showing the client his or her own type description. The type description is short enough that the person could read it right there during the session, then discuss it with the counsellor.