Book Review by Jack Falt
Here is a book that everyone familiar with Jung/Myers theory will
be wanting to have a look at. As well as providing marriage therapists
with a resource they can to use with couples, everyone else will want to
have a peek at their relationship combination description to see if it
fits for them.
My first test of any Jung/Myers theory book is to read over the description of my own type and then that of my wife, and perhaps a few family members and friends to see if the details ring true. My wife and I both agreed that the information for the ISFJ/INFJ combination fit very well. In my enthusiasm I dragged the book around to family gatherings and parties and had various family members and friends read their couple descriptions. Everyone was impressed by their accuracy.
There have been several books written on relationships: 16 Ways to Love Your Lover (Kroeger, 1994) that gave individual type reports with the emphasis on being a romantic partner, and Intimacy and Type (Jones and Sherman, 1997) that portrayed couple combinations by their dominant functions. In this book, Just Your Type gives individual type accounts and then two page descriptions for each of the 136 possible combinations.
When the authors first considered the task of writing a book on relationships, they assumed that there would be 256 (16X16) combinations they would have to write about. They figured that, for example, an ENTJ man and an INFP woman would be different from an ENTJ woman and a INFP man. The research, however, indicated that the gender differences were almost negligible. They found that type theory was a much better way to explain couple differences. This made the authors’ task simpler, and also it would seem to shoot down the popular notion that men and women come from different planets.
Essentially, this book is about couple communication and how personality type has a profound effect on how and what we communicate. Good communication was considered the most important aspect of a satisfying relationship by 91% of those who participated in the research for this book. So much of the strife in relationships is caused by a person assuming that everyone sees the world the same way he or she does. This book focusses on helping couples understand one another’s personalities. I am sure that many couples reading their couple description will have a number of ‘aha’ experiences. They will begin to see that what is happening in their relationship is typical and they can be more tolerant of their partners. Once the behaviour of another person is reframed and seen as normal for that type, then it is possible to discuss personal feelings and possible alternatives to various problems without assuming the partner is just being contrary and hard to get along with.
To do the research for this book the Tiegers interviewed a number of marriage therapists to get a sense of what were the main causes of problems in relationships. They had over 2,500 people contribute to this study and their research was based on over 1,000 individual responses. A good portion of these numbers were received over the internet. They also had couples fill out an open-ended questionnaire, and finally, they did in-depth telephone interviews with hundreds of couples.
Like their previous books, Do What You Are , Nurture by Nature, and The Art of SpeedReading People, this book is aimed at the self-help crowd. People can pick this book up, read about basic personality type theory, figure out what their type is and that of their spouse, and then read the couple combination description. The Tieger’s research is sound enough to impress the professional so that people trained in Jung/Myers theory will appreciate having this book as a resource to use with their clients.
The book begins with Jung/Myers theory and simple quizzes to help the readers determine their types. Then there are page and a half reports of each of the 16 types that characterizes the type, discusses how their type will change over their lifetime (type development) and finally portray the type as a partner. It closes with a list of the most and least important aspects of a good relationship for that type.
The couple descriptions look at the joys, frustrations of each combination and also a list of tips for reaching out to each of the types within the combination. Although, this is aimed at romantic combination, these tips are general enough to work with any relationship. The book closes with some overall tips on relationships and an exercise that a couple may use to open up the dialogue between them.
I noted a few minor problems with the book.
For a book just published I would have expected the authors to have used the latest figures for estimates of the numbers for each type. The authors use figures produced by Dr. Charles K. Martin of CAPT rather than those from the more recent MBTI® Manual (Myers, et al,1998) which has different numbers, particularly for the Thinking-Feeling dimension for both men and women. Also, there is a reference to Please Understand Me (Keirsey & Bates, 1978) rather than to the more recent Please Understand Me II (Keirsey, 1998). This new version has a more extensive chapter on Mating with descriptions of the various combinations of couples.
I would feel more comfortable if this book gave greater emphasis to having the reader take the MBTI® instrument administered by a qualified person. While the quizzes will help the individual come up with a type, it is important to have a professional help individuals access their true type. Jung/Myers theory facilitators know how easy it is to get a false type reading for some individuals.
In each individual type description there is a section called “Looking Down the Road: How the Type Changes Over Time.” The authors say that the Lead Function (Dominant) supported by the Second function (Auxiliary) runs the personality until the age of thirty. Then at this time the Third function (Tertiary) comes more into play. At age forty or fifty the Least function (Inferior) begins to have a stronger influence. This in contrast to Harold Grant’s (From Image to Likeness, 1983) approximate ages for the development of the Dominant as between the ages of 6 to 12, the Auxiliary from ages 12 to 20, the Tertiary from ages 20 to 35, and the Inferior coming into play between ages 35 to 50.
Overall, however, this is a very worthwhile book that you will want to read to get some insight into your own relationships, past and present, and one to recommend to clients. It would also make an excellent basis for premarital counselling and couple group work.