Being an Idealist (NF) I find it difficult to write something that is critical of someone else's work. Because I had previously written a review of another author's book and this had been passed on to Dr. Avila, he e-mailed me with a request that I write a review of his new forthcoming book. I agreed but I e-mailed him back and said, "I feel I also have to warn you that I have some reservations about using Jung/Myers theory in the way your web site describes your system. I believe any two types can get along and have a good relationship. Jung/Myers theory is most useful in helping couples understand their differences, rather than as a way of filtering out possibilities before the fact. Often, our greatest growth as persons comes from dealing with adversity. Other than that, I will try to keep an open mind." He e-mailed me back that he would like to discuss it over the phone, which I did not follow up on.
Coincidentally, within a couple of weeks I was again asked to review the book by a Jung/Myers theory book distributer, Career/LifeSkills, to see if I recommended that they include it in their upcoming catalogue. This I felt I could do with more integrity. So here is the way I see the book.
One of the disadvantages of living in a culture that does not support arranged marriages is that each individual has to go out and find one's mate. Singles groups, personal ads and books on how to find one's perfect mate abound. Why not use the concepts of Jung/Myers theory to determine who to look for and where to look? I think that having a knowledge of Jung/Myers theory would be invaluable in one's search, BUT (and it is a big BUT in my mind) to my mind it is just not ethical to use the MBTI® instrument to screen out potential partners.
Dr. Avila's book begins with some basic information about Types or "LoveTypes," the term he has coined. He has developed a twenty-eight question quiz to help you determine your LoveType. These questions are quite consistent with psychological type theory. He follows with short chapters on each of the four dimensions of behaviour. He then gives a descriptive term and phrase for each of the 16 Types, e.g. INFJ: The Mystic Writer--"Love is in my mind, heart, and soul." He then groups these into the four temperament groups.
Next, there is a chapter for each of the 16 Types, each having a similar format: description of how you are like when you are in love, and who are your best LoveType potential partners, different ones for females and males. Then the chapter switches to information about this LoveType as quarry for some other Love Type: where to meet them, how to get a date with them, the videos they might like to watch, what kind of sexual relationship to expect with them, and what kind of long-term relationship you can expect with them. There are a few anecdotes in each chapter along with several Hot Tips. I felt that my LoveType description fit me as well as any Jung/Myers personality types descriptions do. You probably won't find any descriptions in other books out there that do fit 100%.
The last part of the book covers basic dating behaviour, how to ask the four key questions to get an idea of another person's LoveType, where to meet your LoveType, dating strategies, using the Internet to meet your LoveType, and setting up a singles LoveType group.
The book is well written and easy to read. It gives a number of anecdotes that make it more interesting. The quiz is similar to the one that Keirsey uses. It gives a good first estimate of one's Type. However, I don't even think that the Jung/Myers theory can be relied on by itself without professional interpretation. People need to do further studying and exploring before deciding on their Type. I've seen too many cases of even professionals trained in the use of the MBTI® instrument changing what they believe their own preferences to be.
It is a book meant for the popular market and uses trendy terms such as: Hot Love Tips and Cutting-Edge Dating Strategies. To get more information on this book, you can visit Dr. Avila's web site at: http://www.Lovetype.com. He also has a line of products that support the LoveType program.
Anyone trained in the use of Jung/Myers theory will be aware of first: the difficulty in ascertaining an individual's Type. Even the MBTI® instrument in its older form (Form G) only has a reliability of only 75%. That means that if given again, 25% will have one or more letters in their Type different from when they took it the first time. This book gives a twenty-eight question quiz to determines one's own LoveType, and proposes that you determine the LoveType of a prospective mate by asking just four key questions. Your chances of getting your own Type correct this way are not good, and the chance of getting the other person's Type right is likely worse. As an example, in my ongoing Jung/Myers theory study group, we had a new member. Before she told the group her preferred Type, I suggested we try to guess it. I asked her leading questions that should have helped the group determine her four preferences. From her statements, the group guessed, including myself, that she was an INFJ. At the moment she feels she has a preference for ESTP. That may change as she becomes more aware of Type, but it shows how wrong you can be.
Dr. Avila states that his work is based on research of over 1,000 students, and that using the system, they improved their dating success, i.e. in getting more dates and the quality of their dates. I think that this would likely be true. However, my second big objection is: the ethics of teaching people to use Type to screen out others for any reason. Using his information as to what is your best LoveType partner should be, my wife and I don't fit. We also have friends that are direct opposites (ISTJ - ENFP) and they have a strong relationship. Now Dr. Avila is not saying that any two Types should not be together or that they won't have a successful relationship; but I don't think that he gives enough emphasis to using Type to understand the other person, rather than using it as a means to accept or reject them from their potential romantic partner list. A more useful kind of material might be: When You and I Relate (a series of 12 sheets listing how each combination of polar preferences will likely interact - positive and negative). The Family Relations Program put out by CAPT has material that describes the 136 relationship combinations. Also, Paul Tieger, and Barbara Barron-Tieger have a forthcoming book on couples with all the combinations coming out in Feb. 14, 2000.
In the Mating chapter found in Please Understand Me II, the author, David Keirsey, seems to think that opposite temperaments (SJ with SP, and NF with NT) provide for the most satisfaction for a couple. He further suggests which specific Type combinations are best. These usually are different from Dr. Avila's suggested best LoveTypes. Did Dr. Avila look at all the possible combinations and choose the best, or is his data on successful couples based on only those who followed his directions. The book does not say, nor to be fair is this a research based textbook. It is a self-help book (and you need some professional help to be able to use it properly).
Other related books and materials on relationships are: Kroeger, Otto & Thuesen, Janet M., 16 Ways to Love Your Lover; Jones, Jane Hardy & Sherman, Ruth G., Intimacy and Type; Quenk, Alex T., & Naomi L., True Loves: Finding the Soul in Love Relationships; Insight II, The Mating Games; and Hartzler, Margaret & Hartzler, Gary Berens, Using Type with Couples.
LoveTypes Web Site: http://www.LoveType.com or E-Mail: lovetype4u@aol.com