With couples where one is a Judger and the other is a Perceiver, one key element that separates them is their attitude to work and play. Judgers want to get the work done first before they can play. They feel guilty about having a good time when some task remains undone. Since there is always something that has to be done, Judging partners rarely take the time to have fun. Perceivers, on th other hand, are quite willing to drop a tiresome task if something more intriguing comes along.
Some of Mark’s buddies came over to see if he would join them in a pickup tag football game. Mark and Jenny had been raking the leaves, but “We can do that tomorrow,” Mark cheerily said as he breezed off. Jenny seethed as she continued raking. Knowing Mark, he would find something else to do tomorrow, so she might as well get the job done. She would have to do it later anyway. Mark, as a Perceiver, is energized by the moment; while Jenny, a Judger, wants things planned ahead and likes to stick to the plan.
Those who have a preference for Judging like to have things organized and decided. Perceivers like to leave their options open and when they have enough information, make a decision, or wait until when the moment seems right.
Ryan is a very neat and organized person. His wife, Margaret, is not very concerned about organization. In the bedroom on Ryan’s side everything is neat and clothes are hung up and put away when he goes to bed. Margaret’s clothes tend to just get draped over the nearest piece of furniture. Ryan has given up trying to scold Margaret into being tidy. They laughingly call her side the “creative side.” Sometimes Margaret’s side gets too “creative” even for her and she will clean things up, hanging up her clothes for several nights. Then she goes back to her old ways.
Judgers tend to be filers, while Perceivers tend to be pilers. A desk can have a massive stack of papers on it, but don’t try to organize it or the Perceiver can never find what he or she is looking for.
Time is another issue with Judging and Perceiving couples. Judgers like to be on time, even a few minutes early. Perceivers get there whenever they get there. Sometimes Judgers try to outwit the Perceivers by announcing the time deadline earlier than it really is. Perceivers usually catch on to this trick rather quickly.
Judgers and Perceivers also tend to shop in quite different ways. Pauline and Grant decided to buy a new car. Grant went to all the web sites to get the latest rating. He created a spread sheet so he could compare each car on a number of criteria. Pauline looked over some of the brochures that Grant brought home. When they went out shopping and taking test drives, Pauline announced after the fourth car, that the last one was the one to buy. Grant saw from his comparison chart that it was a good buy, but felt very frustrated that he was not able to test each one on his list.
Having one Judger and one Perceiver in a relationship, while frustrating at times, can also have its uses. Penny says, “I’m the one who likes to have a plan when we go on holidays, but Brian gets me to do all kinds of spontaneous kinds of thing that I would never do on my own. Usually I’m glad we did them.”
Not every couple is opposite on the Judging-Perceiving preferences. It is also quite common to have two Judgers or two Perceivers in a relationship. What can happen in these situation is that one person takes on the role of being more Judging or more Perceiving than the other person. Roger and Carrie both have a preference for Judging. They both work outside the home but it is Roger who insists on a routine for household tasks: Monday is washday, Thursday is cleaning day, etc. Eldon and Rachel both have a preference for Perceiving. They both like to do things when they feel the moment is right, but more likely Rachel is the one who finds wild and fun things to do, encouraging Eldon to join in.