Jenny and Mark are looking at houses. They want to find one that will suit their needs. The ones they really like are too expensive and what they can afford just won’t do. They come across an old home that is up for sale. It is rather run down but it has a good sized lot, and Jenny gets quite excited about its possibilities. Mark wants to know why they are wasting their time on an old run down house. The wallpaper is peeling off, and the paint is cracked. The roof looks as if it needs to be replaced and the hardwood floors have been painted an ugly green. However, Jenny sees that the rooms are an ideal size for their family and the large outdoor space would be an excellent place for the children to play. She can see that the obvious flaws can be repaired. The house is structurally sound. Even if they pay to have a contractor come in and do all the work, they would still save on the overall cost of the house. They would end up with a basically sound house that would ideally meet their needs.
Mark represents the 75% of the people who are Sensors while Jenny represents the remaining 25% who are Intuitors. Mark takes in information through his five senses. “What you see is what you get.” Of course Jenny also get information through her senses but her mind instantly also “sees” the possibilities and the patterns. Jenny could see the house already repaired and painted. In Mark’s mind all he sees is a dilapidated old house and a lot of hard work to fix it up.
My wife is a Sensor while I am an Intuitor. Whenever she made a suggestion about improving the house, my Intuition took over and said, “Or we could do this, and this and this. . . .” To my wife it sounds as what I am really saying is, “Your idea is not worth much. Here is what we really should do.” That was not my intention. In my mind I am thinking, “I hadn’t thought of changing that before, but since we’re at it, here are several more neat ideas.” Being a little more older and wiser I can curb myself from blurting out all my ideas and instead say, “That’s a good idea. (Pause.) We also might consider doing this.” It acknowledges her initiative and often her idea was the best one anyway. Also, she has become wiser and just lets me run off at the mouth and doesn’t take my remarks so personally. (She also edited the copy for this article.)
I find having a Sensor in the house can be quite useful. I often lose things. I may set something down without really being aware of where I left it. My wife will quickly look around and hand it to me. It is not that I didn’t see it, but every second we are bombarded with thousands of bits of information but we can only attend to between 30 to 60 bits of information at a time. What one person notices can be quite different from what the other person notices. Many arguments are based on two people focussing on different aspects of the same event. Look at the picture. Do you see an old woman or a young woman? Usually people quickly see one or the other but may have difficulty seeing the second face. Your Intuiting function lets you see the pattern of the old woman and then switch to the younger woman.
Our relationships are often filled with conflicts. When a couple is polarized along the Sensing-Intuiting dimension, they often seem to be living in different worlds. The Sensor’s world is filled with details of colour, texture, sounds, tastes and odours. The Intuitor’s world is filled with possibilities, patterns and meanings. Intuitors needs to take time to ‘stop and smell the roses’ while Sensors need to take some time to ‘dream the impossible dream.’
Of course I am describing the extremes here. Sensors can and do see the big picture while Intuitors are able to keep track of their bank account. Also, only some couples are opposites on the Sensing-Intuiting scale. Even if all the Intuitors married a Sensor that would still leave 50% of the Sensors married to another Sensor. When a Sensor is married to another Sensor they still may have difficulties because they are still not noticing the same details. When Intuitors are married to one another, they can have wildly competing visions about what their lives are all about. Having an ideal relationship is not about eliminating conflict. It is more about understanding the conflict and how to deal with it in a positive way. Knowing your preferences on the Sensing-Intuiting scale can help you understand one source of your conflicts.