Appreciating Differences - Jack Falt - Ottawa area, Ontario, Canada

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By Jack Falt, INFJ, Chart-the-Course

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Results of the Interaction Styles and Spirituality Workshop

On February 15, 2003 Spiritual Frontiers Canada held a workshop on Interaction Styles and Spirituality led by myself. In the first half of the program participants learned their own interaction style, and in the second half of the program they were asked to relate their interaction style to their spiritual path. (Go to http://www.trytel.com/~jfalt/Rev-MBTI/berens-int-sty.html for more information on Interaction Styles.)
    Spiritual Frontiers Canada (SFC) is an Ottawa based group that holds monthly talks and workshops on a wide variety of spiritual, religious, psychic, health and relationship topics.Their motto is: A Quest for Greater Spiritual Understanding. Go to http://www.spiritualfrontiers.ca for more information on Spiritual Frontiers Canada.

We discussed the difference between the meaning of religion and spirituality. To me religion implies a set of beliefs that in most cases followers are expected to accept. In some religions acceptance is rigidly enforced, while in others individuals have more room for exploration. Spirituality implies an experience of the divine that individuals have discovered on their own. Religion is usually based on someone else's spiritual experience. As the spiritual experience is passed down through the generations, it becomes a set of beliefs that all are expected to embrace. Religion can be a great help in showing people ways to look for their own spirituality. People following a religion can and do have truly spiritual experiences.
    However, some people do not find spiritual nourishment within traditional religions. Some maintain their religious roots and augment their spirituality on their own or with the help of other outside groups or through further research. Psychology helps us see commonalities and differences in personalities. My thesis is that the same applies to our spiritual experiences. Because of our personalities, we tend to experience our spirituality in different ways just as we experience the world in different ways.
    Some people will feel nourished within their faith community, some need additional nourishment, and some will cut their ties and go seeking on their own. However, we still need a spiritual community. Sometimes that community is just a collection of souls each experiencing their spirituality in totally unique ways, but who enjoy sharing their faith journey. Since this Spiritual Frontiers group were mainly those for whom traditional religion was not enough and they were seeking other spiritual experiences, their responses may not be similar to those who adhere to more traditional forms in their spirituality.

The participants were asked to write short responses to a series of questions which were also dicussed in small groups and then in the larger group. Below are the questions and the combined responses, as well as overall statements by myself. I have placed the responses into the cells of the table that corresponded to what the people identified themselves as.

Key Word: Community — We are all members of spiritual communities. Name the ones you are members of, groups of people you interact with.
Chart-the-Course
SFC, Unity Church, Light Workers
Several "on-line" spiritual discussion groups, i.e. Pathwalkers, Spiritual Explorers, Angel Network
Sunday eve group - Reiki & Spirituality, John Heney's group
Dowsers
Catholic Church, Taoist Society, SFC, Bible group
SFC, energy group, spirituality discussion group, family, cottage neighbours, dinner group
Behind-the-Scenes
Urantia study group, Course in Miracles study group
Catholic church
Loss & Grief Education, Spiritual Frontiers (SFC)
Meditation, Tai Chi
Persoanl friends
Mystic organiztions, Family
Community, spiritual people, open-minded people, positive people
Courses on spirituality, psychic, etc. Maureen Laundry Discussion/Practice Group
In-Charge
Ladies Luncheon Group, Meditation group, SFC, Unity Church
Ottawa Buddhist Society, Ottawa Kripala Yoga Community, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, Overeaters Anonymous, Catholic Church
Unity, United, Unitarian, R.C., SFC, SFFI, ARPR, Urantia, Rosicrucians, Cayce, Informal discussion groups.
SFC, dowsing, extended family, individual friends
SFC, Befriending the Earth, seventh generation community projects, Carp Ridge Eco-Wellness Centre, circle of friends
Get-Things-Going
Spiritual book club, Spiritual book reader, SFC
Catholic background. Unity Church, Transcendental Metitation 2x per day.
Church, women's group, SFC, reading books
Women's group, Spirit Quest Meditation, my own meditation, spiritualist Church, Reiki groups, yoga.
Jack's comments on communities styles belong to: This Spiritual Frontiers group, who might be loosely described as spiritual seekers, had a wide range of spiritual communities they belonged to, from the traditional to an exploration to Eastern traditions to various study groups.
Chart-the-Course people tend to plan their spirituality by seeking groups and experiences where they can grow spiritually. Behind-the-Scenes people look for opportunities where they can use their intigrating skills. When they hear of other's spiritual search, they like to pass on ideas that might be of help. 
In-Charge people tend to lead the way for others to follow. Sometimes this can be done as a member and not just as a designated leader. Get-Things-Going people like to be involved with groups where they can use their enthusiasm to bring the spiritual message to others.

Key Word: Upbringing — Think of your religious or spiritual training. Give examples of Interaction Styles used by those who were entrusted with your spiritual upbringing.
Chart-the-Course
Parents answering questions
Behind-the-Scenes
Close friend
My aunt, grandfather, Family, Father
In-Charge
Told what to believe
Catholic Church - directives, structures, unique, inclusive, rule by fear, teaching, reinforcing morlas and values
Parents, ministers, school
Grandmother - rigid in her thinking. Judgmental to others. Church was a big part of her life. Very dedicated to visiting shut-ins, sick, funerals, etc., helping others.
Kind, caring of others, family oriented, unselfish.
Catholic Church -- directive, supportive, encouraging, rule/ manage by fear, teaching and enforcing morals, nuns who used all styles.
Catholic Church--controlling, judgment, brain washed, shame, fear based.
Ministers, parents, teachers
Parent, clergy, zealots. Demand for conformaty.
Get-Things-Going
Grandmother
Some church group meetings
AYPA - Anglican Young People's Assoc.
Youth group explored different religions, Sunday School, Canadian girls in Training (CGIT), Communion class, family support and beliefs.
United Church--open minded, friendly, understanding, compromising.
Spiritualist Church--Open minded, spiritual beliefs, intuitive based.
Jack's comments on the methods of upbringing each style uses: Most came from very traditional religious roots.
Chart-the-Course people who look after the spiritual upbringing of others have a long term plan in mind. They may be people who write religious curriculum. Behind-the-Scenes people who look after the spiritual upbringing of others are more inclined to work in the back ground. They find ways for others to discover spiritual truths. They are willing to provide what is needed for others to help them along in their spiritual journey.
In-Charge people who look after the spiritual upbringing of others 'know' where their charges should be led. Sometimes it can be done with great kindness, but at other times it can be done in a very forceful way. Get-Things-Going people who look to the spiritual upbringing of others want to get them excited about the spiritual life. They use their own enthusiasm to spark enthusiasm in others.

Key Word: Needs — Describe what you need from your spiritual community. Does your spiritual community provide these needs? Think of these needs in Interaction Styles terms.
Chart-the-Course
Patience, understanding, support.
Confirmation
Companionship
Direction
Love
Belonging
Not met by organized religion. Largely met by peers with love, acceptance, belonging.
Behind-the-Scenes
Patience, understanding, support.
Love, family's feelings, compassion, non-judgmental.
Accepted
One's own beliefs not invaded.
Discussion
Does not quite meet my needs
Motivation, get inspired
Support, confirmation, help
In-Charge
Church, caring people, spiritual nourishment, encouraging and uplifting atmosphere, acknowledgement of our everyday challenges & how best to cope.
Involvement, acceptance, information, support, encouragement.
Information, knowledge, spiritual understanding, wishdom, living examples.
Group discussion and meditation, sharing, support, confirmation, inspiration, touch, hugs, uplifting atmosphere.
Common values, shared goals, mutual support, fellowship, a sense of serving the common good, a connection to God
Get-Things-Going
Sense of belonging
Support
Hope, support, unconditional love, acceptance, communication through touch, trust
Support.
Trust, touch, inform, context, ideas, theories
Support in daily life, hope and trust, unconditional love, communication, touch, hugs, confirmation of myself, belonging
Support, unconditional love, understanding, caring, spiritual exchange, trust.
Jack's comments on what each style needs from their spiritual community: There was almost no mention of what one might consider rituals of traditional religions. Instead, basic human values of acceptance and support were emphasized.
Chart-the-Course people need an opportunity to use their planning skills. They need to feel that their ideas are accepted, even if they are not ultimately used. They have a vision of how to grow spiritually and would like others to share the journey even though others may not have the same experiences. Behind-the-Scenes people need an opportunity to be helpful. They want to bring people together. However, they do this in a more quiet and unobtrusive way.
In-Charge people need an opportunity to lead and have an impact on their community. They feel that no matter what obstacles come up, their drive will help them overcome all obstacles. In fact, they kind of enjoy having obstacles to overcome. Get-Things-Going people want to be in a community where their enthusaism is appreciated. They want to be in a high energy group.Having an estatic experience is their ultimate high.

Key Word: Share — Putting it into Interaction Styles terms, how do you share your faith with others?
Chart-the-Course
Conversation
Discussion
Being with like minded people
Just "Be" it!
Pass it around on internet
Seeing the "Divinity" in all
Being cheerful
Do healing
Attending functions, living according to spiritual principles
Conversation and commiseration
Behind-the-Scenes
Learning to verbalize to friends, family my ideas.
By trying to find and see the best in people.
By sharing ideas with people who see it the same.
By the way I live. Attending spiritual activities.
Seeing the positive in others.
Giving understanding, support, openess, by the way we live
Motivate, inspire, reach out, expressive gestures, affection, positiveness, show light
Action, word, deed
In-Charge
Being there when needed, unconditional love, express your views about God, encouraging others along life's way, being positive.
Informing, directing, initiating, seeking input, reaching out, witness, encourage, modelling.
Provide information, participate in discussion, play accordian- uplift spirits
Individual contact, sharing beliefs, healing, example, encouragement, gratitude
Only if asked, don't preach, only by example.
Get-Things-Going
Live by example, invite others to SFC functions, share books, e-mail/internet, discuss/communicate spiritual ideas
By example, attention, morals, character, participate
Go to church, saying grace, giving myself, by example, praying for others who are sick, the bereved
Intenet, e-mail, meditation groups, gatherings of like-minded people.
Jack's comments on how each style prefers to share their faith: Mostly the sharing was done by talking about their experiences and by living a spiritual life for others to see.
Chart-the-Course people have a long-term vision for helping people develop spiritually and like to assess where people are at and then suggest where next they might look, a spiritual advisor. Behind-the-Scenes people share themselves in a very personal way. They do it by sharing their story and by many acts of kindnesses.
In-Charge people share their faith in a very direct way. It takes very little to get them going. They can be zealous in sharing their truth. You usually don't have to ask. Get-Things-Going people share their faith by their infectious enthusiasm. Thier warmth and outgoingness surrounds and enfolds all within their circle.

Key Word: Connection — We have spiritual connection with co-workers, circle of friends, extended family. Give examples of how you experience this spiritual connection.
Chart-the-Course
Being tolerant
Honouring who others are and their unique path
Encouraging others
Being empathic
Loving
Seeing both sides of a question
By discussing/sharing ideas, by supporting their activities
Observation, analysis, conversation and commiseration.
Behind-the-Scenes
When the need comes up at work.
Relating everyday experiences to others.
Socialize, sharing, giving meaning.
Leadership by example.
In-Charge
By example. Sharing our viewpoints & experience. Learning to accept help when needed.
Socializing, give and take, hugs, working in harmony, common beliefs, support and encouragement, listening, sharing experiences.
Organize socials. meet for breakfast/lunch
Family, socializing and encouraging, hugs, saying grace, sharing self-healing experiences.
Working on shared projects, discussion of issues, meditation in a group, shared healing, SFC socials, story telling, offering/accepting help.
Get-Things-Going
Smiling, listening, understanding, please/thank you/basic courtesy, support, helpful, favours, live it, feel it. 
Unconditional love in all aspects of life, show respect.
Smile, listen, overall support, unconditional love
Talking, e-mails, smiles, please and thank you, support, share, unconditional love, show respect.
Jack's comments on how the styles connect with people in more secual settings: Many people felt their attitude of seeing spirituality in everyone helped them be more aware of their spiritual connection to others. Sometimes it is appropriate to share one's spirituality in these more secular circumstances.
Chart-the-Course people in a secular setting are more cautious about sharing their spirituality, but wait for the teachable moment. Behind-the-Scenes people are quiet and in the background, but give comfort and support when needed.
In-Charge people are more likely to jump into an opportunity to share their spirituality. They may have learned to be more cautious, but it is not likely to deter them for very long. Get-Things-Going people with their enthusiastic demeanor may invite others to a 'fun' spiritual activity and are not too concerned about what the other person's reaction might be.

Key Word: Direct, Inform, Initiate, Respond — When sharing your spirituality, discuss how it feels to be very direct with others or to use an informing style. When would you feel it would be appropriate to use the other style? Do the same with initiating and responding.
Direct
"Come to the meeting with me!"
Important to be direct but to be respectful.
When it is too direct I feel manipulative and don't like it.
Saying grace.
During crisis when someone needs help and isn't thinking clearly.
With someone who asks or who I know to be like-minded
Comfortable if asked/permitted.
Comfotable if I'm in a confident mood.
Inform
"Would you be interested in coming to a meeting?"
Sharing personal experiences.
Only when asked, or tell about own experience.
Enjoy it
Delighted to be of service, to be helpful, to empower
Initiate
I would feel uncomfortable.
If I feel close to the person.
Mention spiritual experiences and wait for person to show interest.
Someone who is hurting and I feel I can help
Easy in tolerant environments.
Very nice but best with partner who is also interested.
Respond
Comfortable with a friend.
Respond after getting more information.
Sometimes it feels passive.
Depends on the other's rigidity.
Wait until asked.
When someone else initiates with their spirituality.
Be aware of people's needs.
Waiting, sitting back easily when things are proceeding well.
May over respond.
Jack's comments on the spirituality of the four dimensions of interaction
Directing people are good at being very specific with their answers to spirtual questions. You know where they stand. Informing people are a little more reluctant to be pinned down. It is not that they don't have opinions but these are private and they may find them more difficult to articulate.
Initiating people can feel comfortable bringing up spiritual topics and ideas. They are willing to take a risk. If people don't respond they just chalk it up to 'nothing ventured nothing gained.' Responding people wait for others to take the initiative. It is not that they have nothing to say. It is more that they would like to be asked. When asked, they also need others to listen and help them tell their story.

Key Word: Concept — What is your concept of God? How does you Interaction Style relate to how you conceive God (your Creator or your Higher Self) to be?
Chart-the-Course
God is everything and "no thing." "IT" is within and the energy is that is ALL THAT IS
There is a divine plan and all is in divine order.
God is unique, the creator of all the different beliefs. Not accepting principles and rules laid down.
God perceived as benevolent, understanding, loving, father
Behind-the-Scenes
God is energy or light in every living thing. God is with me, beside me throughouyt my day. I am always asking him for advice. Things will turn out OK.
God is my creator, but God is in me. The Creator always is in His creation. Therefore, I more see Him in being in me. It is my Higher Self. He is behind the scenes.
Loving, everywhere, spiritual energy, advisor. Listening, caring, answering needs.
To do your best within your ethical constraints, i.e. Christianity
I'm very spiritual. I believe within myself that life will work out.
We are God. We are One! We all create. All parts make the whole!
In-Charge
Loving provider -- gives me the virtues I need to act appropriately, to choose what style to use, to incorporate all, to appreciate others. Authority, knowledge, power, co-creators.
I see myself and everyone else as God experiencing, love and all the universe as all aspects of God -- All He/She/It.
God is beyond/includes all.
Get-Things-Going
God is the shared love of all beings.
Unconditional love ever-present, pervading all consciousness.
God is a Higher Being, everything happens for a reason and we don't always know what the reason is at thtat specific time.
Jack's comments on the concept of God each style has:
Chart-the-Course people see God as co-creating a plan for each and everyone one of us. If you don't get with the plan now, you will eventually. Behind-the-Scenes people see God as working behind the scenes using situations and experiences to let people know what the plan is for their lives.
In-Charge people are more likely to jump into an opportunity to share their faith. They may have learned to be cautious, but it is not likely to deter them for very long. Get-Things-Going people with their enthusiastic demeanor may invite others to a 'fun' spiritual activity and not worry about what the other person's reaction might be.

Key Word: Live — How does your Interaction Style relate to how you live your spiritual life?
Chart-the-Course
Just "be," go with the flow no matter what happens. It is all as it is meant to be. Divine order.
Love yourself, do your best, and have a great time.
God's will is good and that I be in joy. If I'm not having fun, I 'ain't' doing it right.
I am seeking and communicative as well as analytical.
Behind-the-Scenes
God is there when I need Him, or He's there when I fall. Knowing that things will work out.
God is everything I do and in everybody, so I try to be respectful. I try to be compassionate. Knowing God is there with His support and that gives me energy.
Faith is the ONENESS of the universe.
In-Charge
Helps me to be more positive in my life. When problems or unexpected things happen, I can cope better. Makes me realize I can do anything!
Take responsibility for the results, take initiative, share, active decisive choices, lead others to resources.
Independent, universal, not fitting into any one slot, unconditional love for all, take widowhood with gratitude for the past and looking forward to the new challenge.
Searching for truth and the Divine Connection
Get-Things-Going
Want to bring spirit into aspects of my life for all to enjoy.
Get everyone on board.
Receive "messages."
I'm in transition. Once I decide, I'll make an effort to particiapte.
Try to be the best person I can be by being loving and supportive of others.
Jack's comments on how each style lives their spiritual lives: Since no one is consistently one Interaction Style all the time, the way they live their spiritual lives will change from time to time.
Chart-the-Course people like to follow a plan for their spiritual life. It may invovle a course of study or following a specific practice. Behind-the-Scenes people are there to help themselves and others to find their spiritual path, and give support and help to others on their spiritual journey.
In-Charge people see a direction and then follow it, preferably leading others along the same path. They don't fear the obstacles but expect to have whatever is necessary to overcome all obstacles. Get-Things-Going people want to be in a spiritual community that shares their enthusiasm about their spirituality. They are willing to put a great deal of effort into gathering people into the group, and will do whatever it takes to make it a joyuful experience.

Key Word: God — How do you interact with God? Describe and then put it into Interaction Styles terms.
Chart-the-Course
He is my buddy, my friend, my director, the divine within, my intuition.
I interact by talking to Him and appreciating what He has given me. Sometimes waiting for an answer/confirmation that I am doing the right plan.
My interaction is one-on-one.
Behind-the-Scenes
Interact as a paternal father, advisor in prayer, conversation.
Trying to listen to him. Meditation. Prayer. Talking with Him.
Talk to Him as best trusted friend. Powerful. Listen to gain intuition.
Subliminal
I interact by instinct, love and passions around me. I wait for direction.
Being. We are God. I am God.
In-Charge
Talk to Him. Ask for guidance. Listen. Believe in His overall plan for my life when i ask for direction. Contemplation.
Express needs, request help, personal sharing, seeking input, wait for direction, clarification, inner conversation, imagery to explore, journelling, art.
My friend -- He/She has empowered me to do anything and everything. Intuition is my higher Self, God speaking.
A relationship of seeking and asking.
Get-Things-Going
See the good things in others, look for strengths and accept weaknesses, be loving = God
God is a friend. We share, explore and discover. I love to be involved.
Belive in God and that He has a purpose for me. Say prayers in which I always give thanks for everything.
Jack's comments on how each style interacts with God: For most of this group God was an intimate friend that was there to support and empower.
Chart-the-Course people see God as co-creators in the universe and in everyday life. God is someone to consult as one would a partner in their spiritual life. Behind-the-Scenes people see God working behind-the-scenes just as they do. God is a powerful force and also a trusted friend.
In-Charge people see God in charge, but sometimes it can be a struggle as to whether it is God or them who are ultimately in control. When they pproach God with humbleness and awe, they experience the power and majesty of God as well as an intimate realtionship. Get-Things-Going people see God as the energy in the universe. They can experience the ecstasy of God and want to share that experience with others.

Key Word: Used — How do you see God using your Interaction Style as He/She oversees humanity?
Chart-the-Course
See God's plan as unfolding whether or not we understand.
Course is laid out but I have great doubt about some intermediary steps.
As per my needs, as perceived by God.
Behind-the-Scenes
Through example, through evolution.
I see that God is behind the scenes and wants people to be behind the scenes and not always thinking they are right. God wants us to use our style more purely.
By my love and passion of life.
In-Charge
By being an example to others. Here to help others. Consciousness raising of myself and others. Seeing the highest good in all.
Give example, guidance to others, accomplish good works, reaches those in darkness through my light.
Bring comfort and ease to those I touch. Prayer/meditation and visualization for peace and light.
Help heal the environment
Get-Things-Going
By including others in my seeking of God, I am sharing love with others in order to serve God's purpose.
God uses all styles (the flexible coach). He leads me to discover, explore, share, facilitates my process.
God has a purpose for us all.
Jack's comments on how God is using each style: Most people believed that God was using them in some way for His purpose. They were likely more aware of having their dominant interaction style used.
Chart-the-Course people are more aware that God has a plan for their lives and uses their skills to bring about that plan. Since they are co-creators with God, they are involved in that planning too. Behind-the-Scenes people are more aware of God working behind the scenes and are willing to be used to work in more subtle ways. They also look for ways that they can share their spirituality with others.
In-Charge people are attracted to the way God seems to take charge of their lives and the lives of others. They need to be in tune with God's will so that when they take charge they are working with and not against God's purpose. Get-Things-Going people know the power of having a divine experience of God and want to share that experience with others. Their expression of joy can help bring about that experience.

Key Word: God & You — How does God interact with you?  Give examples of the various Interaction Styles God has used interacting with you.
Chart-the-Course
Following through on a spiritual message.
When a voice told me to go to the computer and I would start to type as if there was a dictaphone in my head, and I get the answer to what I was asking or wondering about.
Coincidence.
Allows me to positively influence the life of some others whether they are close or not.
Provides for me using what God perceives is in my best interest.
Behind-the-Scenes
Giving me as many point of view as possible.
Subliminally by giving me the strength to do my best.
In-Charge
Giving me direction when needed. answers. Inspiration.
Inner sight, hearing, sensing. Insight through outer events. Others' words, actions. Serendipity. Material provision. Providing basis for existance.
Guiding me.
When I release and let go, He/She looks after everything. So-called negatives are interesting and always trun out for the good.
Get-Things-Going
God revealed SFC and spiritual books to me in a very obvious, noncoincidental manner.
God has interacted with me through other people.
See the beauty in the world everyday and how the scenery changes with the different seasons.
Jack's comments on how God interacts with each style:
Chart-the-Course people experience God in their lives as an unfolding plan. They trust that plan. Behind-the-Scenes people experience God in many subtle and indirect ways. Usually, they experience God through the love and kindness of other people and they want to pass that along.
In-Charge people sometimes feel swept up by God's power to take over their lives, and when they go with that flow they find their lives work so much better. Get-Things-Going people are continually being amazed at how God appears in their lives. The more they express their gratitude, the more they are awae of the abundance in their lives.

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